Did you ever asked Why?

• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
• Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
• Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
• Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
• What is the speed of darkness?
• Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
• Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?
• If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
• Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
• How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
• Did you ever stop and wonder...... . Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
• Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum.'
• Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
• Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
• Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
• Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
• Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !
• If quizzes are quizzical,what are tests?
• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
• If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
• Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Stop singing and read on.........
• Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
• Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
• Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
• If money doesnt grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
• Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
• Why doesnt glue stick to its bottle?
• Why do you still call it building when its already built?
• If its true that we are here to help others,what are others here for?
• If you arent supposed to drink and drive why do... bars have parking lots?
• We are a funny bunch of people. Living in a serìously funny world.

Amazing India

Quotes

• Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

• To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

• The road to success??.. Is always under construction.

• Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

• In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

• All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening or married to someone else.

• Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.

• Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.

• If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

• You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.

• Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.

• As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.

• He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.

• If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.

• Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

• When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.

• If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? if you have both, no one calls.

• You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.

• The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.

• If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.

• Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker

Some Jokes on Us

Aansu aa jate hai aankho me rone se pehle,
Har khawab tut jata hai sone se pehle!
Kya hai CA ye to samajh gaye,
Kash koi rok leta admission hone se pehle.

Are you-
Emotionally Numb?
Romantically Starved?
Creatively Challenged?
Artistically Void?
Socially Outcast?
Congratulations You are a CA Student!!

Teacher: Osama has 5 wifes and 20 Children,
Laloo has 1 wife and 9 children. Who is better?
CA Student: Osama's NPV is good but Laloo's IRR is better.

Irritating audits, Fighting on stupid issues,
Everyday classes, Dangerous boss,
More expenditure, Less stipend,
People call it ARTICLESHIP, We call it LIFE.

Upcoming horror movies for CA students:
-Boss bana shaitan
-Tadapta article
-Khatarnak syllabus
-B.L. ka badla
-2nd group ki pyas
-Khooni result
-Wo aakhri attempt

Raat ko kitab meri mujhe dekhti rahi,
Nind mujhe apni aur khichti rahi,
Nind ka jhoka mera man moh gaya ,
Aur ek raat fir ye CA Student bina padhe so gaya .

Saral Form

Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax SARAL form than it does to make the income

Reasons why LIFE without a Girl Friend is cool

1. You can stare at any Girl.......

2. You don't have to spend money on her.

3. You won't get boring result in ur board papers.

4. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.
5. If u don't have a girlfriend, she can't dump u.

6. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy.

7. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bl**dy phone to ring.

8. You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and "wrong" for u.

9. Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything according ur wishes anymore.

10. You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family life.

11. You won't have to waste paper writing love letters. No more endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird shop place.

12. You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them.

13. You wont have to see boring love stories instead of sports.

14. You wont have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u'll sin less.

15. You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her.

16. You wont have to fight over having a 'special' friend with ur folks.

17. No nonstop nonsense.

18. You wont have drown in the pool of her tears.

19. No tension.

20. You can be "urself"

21. You wont have to hide your telephone bills.

IAS 143 : Accounting for Girl Friends

Objective:
The objective of IAS 143 is to prescribe the accounting treatment for Girl friends. The principal issues are the timing of recognition of a female friend as a girl friend, the no of days the relationship can be carried on and any write down in this romantic relationship. It also provides guidance on the methods to be employed to make GF.

Scope:
This IAS applies to all GF's except those whose father, brother, ex-boyfriends or prospective boyfriends are working in police, army, intelligence agencies or political organization or -6+ feet tall, have muscular body and knows kung fu, judo any other martial art or the like.

Definitions:
The following terms are used in this Standard with the meanings specified:

LOVE is a serious mental disease, mostly found in old Indian movies, dramas and Urdu literature.

FLIRTING is the modern form of love, this disease came from Hollywood movies, new Indian movies, internet, mobile phones, and English literature.

MARRIAGE is a long term liability as a result of PAST events that is expected to be settled by increasing the population, decreasing the health and money.

GIRL FRIEND(GF) is a current asset as a result of past efforts that is probable to generate future dates, physical contact and gifts.... If not properly handled may become long-term liability i.e. wife.

BOYFRIEND-SPECIFIC VALUE is the present value of the future dates that a boyfriend expects to realize from continuing use of the GF over its useful life and from its disposal to his another friend at the end of the flirting term

FLIRTING TERM is the higher of the following:

-from your first conversation till the time the GF father catches you

-from the time of your first date till your GF gets married to another person ,in which case she will become your ex-GF.

-from the time of your first date till you get married with your GF, afterwards it will become a suffering term.

RECOGNITION
A girl shall be recognized as a girl friend if, and only if:

(a) it is probable that future physical benefits associated with the girlfriend will flow to the boyfriend and
(b) the expenditures to be incurred (eg in respect of gifts, cards etc ) can be measured reliably.

Female Cousins, younger sisters, and other female friends associated with the girlfriend should not be recognized. However, beautiful and bold ones should be declared in the flirting statement if and only if it is probable that they are expected to result in prospective girlfriends.

MEASUREMENT OF USEFUL LIFE OF GF
All the following factors shall be considered in determining the useful life of a GF:

(a) Expected "usage" of the girlfriend.
(b) Expected "physical" wear and tear, which depends on "operational" factors such as the number of "shifts" the GF is to be used.
(c) Technical or commercial obsolescence arising from changes in fashion or "service output" of the GF.
(d) "Legal" or similar limits on the "use" of the GF.

DERECOGNITION
The Girl Friend shall be derecognized:
1. at the end of the useful life of GF or flirting term whichever is earlier, or
2. when no future physical benefits are expected from her use or her disposal to your friend.

DISCLOSURE
The flirting statement shall disclose, for each "class" of GF:
* age of GF
* complexion, face cut and "other" necessary "cuts"
* the useful life of each GF
* email address, residential address and mobile no. of each GF
* any "special" benefits that may have been derived from the GF

Note: The opinion as per above standard are a result of sheer experience over the years...

Screw your own life

Be Doctor and save lives,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Be Lawyer and defend lives,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Be Soldier and protect lives,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
But y to play wid others lives,
So be a C.A. and screw up ur own life.

Romantic Poem by a CA Student.

in the journal paper of my heart,
i have written a journal entry

debiting my love & crediting my affection,
new partner , you write the narration.

your beauty is capital of our business,
and your eyes are stock in trade.

now let us enter into a transaction,
without providing depreciation.

your first love , i have already indicated,
on the ledger folio column.

anyway our realization are based on
double entry system.

our love is real and tangible,
which can be realized,
interest on the same can be capitalized.

partner you are like a contra - entry,
you are on my debit side & creditside
both at the same time

can it be posted into ledger ?
that you decide.

and so my partner , now let us rectify
all our errors and total the trial balance of our affairs
and emotions

without maintaing any suspense a/c and
any difference in the trial balance

in the balance sheet of our life.
our children will be asset & liabilities
if they are boys , shall we call
them sundry debtors ?
if they are girls we call them
sundry creditors.
but if we have a boy & a girl,
our balance sheet will tally automatically
and the auditor will certify like this,
the accounts show a true & fair view of lovely
business conducted during life is accounts

Marrying a Chartered Accountant

When I told my mom that I wanted a professional woman as my wife, she got me one; a Chartered Accountant. She uses LIFO method while taking out the refrigerated food. She thinks I am no good at figure work. Fine with me, for now she handles the budget of the house.

Initially she used to send me a bill at the month end, but when I told her that I am not her client but her husband, she asks for the money in advance. The expenses had been rising steadily over the months, so one day I snooped into the papers maintained in a current file.

No wonder! She was charging conveyance and overtime to the house budget.

She is crazy, I tell her but she corrects me. "No my darling, I am the auditor." I fail to see the light.

Every scrap of the paper in our house is filed.

She tells me as per some Ordinance she must keep a copy of every thing for at least ten years before destroying it.

I am worried.

The other day we had an hour-long fight. Later, I got to know that she had charged that hour to a client of hers, in the time sheet. My time was put down as unoccupied.


She says that she loves me and I tell her that I love her too. However, she never believes me. She says that there is susceptibility of it being a misstatement. Duh! She wants my representation on this & Expert opinion of some Expert!

Not a long time back my brother's wedding was to be solemnized. Wedding cards had been sent. After some time I started receiving a steady trickle of letters. I was puzzled until my wife explained that external evidence was more reliable. She had called for confirmations from all those to whom cards were sent.

When she cooks, my wife at times does not go by recipe. Where the recipe says add half-teaspoon vinegar, one tsp black salt or one teacup of water, she ignores them. She says that they are not material when taken in context of whole meal being prepared.

She is crazy, I tell you. Surprisingly everybody calls her an auditor, instead. I checked the dictionary and it did not state that auditor is a synonym for crazy. The dictionary must be outdated. When we got married, she had given me an Engagement Letter and I Had said how cute-how sweet.Now she gives it to me every year saying that her standards state that it must be sent anew if there is any indication that I have misunderstood the objective and scope of engagement.. Huh!

Apart from sending me the engagement letter once again she says I can't get rid off her just like that. She says that she has the right of being heard before I appoint some one else. It seems I must keep reading one local and another English newspaper published and circulated in the vicinity of our house for more details.

Phew! For a minute, I thought that we had jeopardized our going concern status. Duh! Dare I say so??

I am told by one of my female colleagues who is married to a CA that the scenario is even worse when the guy is a CA. Apparently he capitalised the wedding expenses as preliminary expenses and is writing it off every year. Also the time he spent dating his wife before marrying her is still under consideration for valuation under AS-26...valuation of intangible assets.

Should u really marry a CA? And yes please discount it by the appropriate rate to arrive at the present value of the risk of doing so !!!

Marriage Planning

If you like a girl, propose her for marriage and follow the following procedure:

1) send a notice u/s 142(1)(ii) to the girl for submiiting her consent over your proposal

2) send a show cause notice u/s 144 to her father to give reason for not marrying her

3) pass the assesment order & raise demand u/s 156

4) if ur father in law does not deposite within due time, he shall be the assesse in default u/s 220

5) if within 6 years from the date of your marriage you come to know that your father in law has one more daughter then you can open the case u/s 147 for Daughter escaping marriage

Disclaimer: Person following these section in his life shall be solely responsible & the author shall not be held guilty for anything mis happening

Will u still love me if I die.

When I die,
I'll still love you with all my heart,

I'll be looking down on you praying you'll still be happy,

I'll be hoping you still remember the great times we had.

And when I die,
I'll still be thinking about you every minute of every day,

I'll be thinking about whether you still think about me,

I'll be thinking about how much I really meant to you,
But when I die,

Will you still think about me?
Will you remember the days we spent together holding hands and laughing?

Will you still have room for me in your heart?
So when I die,
Will you still love me?

You were made just Unfogetable

Jita b Usko sochun Utna he door paun
Jitna b Usko chahon khud he bikharta Jaun,

Mein Aam Sa Musafir be-aas,be-sahara
Wo door kahin basta aasmaan ka tara,

Mein Rait sey Ulajthi Sehraoon ki hawa Hoon
Wo sahilon peY chalta bad-e-saba ka jhonka,

Haan farak tu bhut hey,
per Baat yeh Fakat hai .. ?

Mein lakh toot jaun
Khud sey he rooth Jaun,

Per Yeh na h0ga Mujse ..
k,Mein usk0 bhul jaun..

3 Idiots

chatur lingam's speech in3 idiots

Adarniya sabhapati mahodaya ...atithi vishesh shikshan mantri shri R Dtripati [tripathi] ji ..maanyaniya shikshagan aur mere piyaaare [pyare]sahpatiyo [sahapathiyon] ...aaj agar I.C.E aasmaan ki bulaaandiyo [bulandiyon] ko chhu raahaa [raha] hai ..to uska shreya sirrf [sirf]ekinsaan [ek insaan] ko jaataahai [jata hai] shri veerusahastra buddhe
..give him a a big hand ..he is a great guy really ..

Peechle buttis saal se inhone nirantar is college mein balatkar [balaatkaar] pe balatkar kiye ..umeed hai aagey bee [bhi] karte rahege [rahenge] ..hamine to aashcharya hota hai ki ek insaan apne jeevan kaal mein itni balatkar kaisi kar sakta hai ...inhone kadi tapaasya se apne aapko is kaabil bunaya [banaya] hai ..waqt ka sahi upyog ghante ka purna istemaal koi
inse seeke [seekhe] ..seeke inse seeke ....

aaj hum sab chaatra yaha hai ..kal desh videsh mein fail [faael] jayenge ..waadaa hai aapse jis desh mein honge
waha balatkar karenge I.C.E ka naam roshan karenge ...dika [dikha] denge sabko jo balatkar Karne ki shamtaa yaha ke chaatro mein hai wo sansaar ke kisi chaatro mein nahiii ....No other chaatra No other chaatra.

Adarniya mantraji namashkar aapne is sansthaan ko wo chees di jiski hamein sakht zaroorat thi ...sstunn ..stunn hota sabi [sab hi] ke paas hai ..sab chupa ke rakte hai ..detaa koi nai ...aapne apna stun is balatkari purush ke
haat mein diya hai...ab dekiye yeh kaisa iska upyog karta hai.

Sanskrit Shlok

Utthamum dadhdadaath paadam...Madhyam paadam thuchuk chuk ...Ghanisthah thud thudi paadam...Surr surri praan gatakam.